Why Is Knowing How Much a Partner Can Annoy You So Important?

• Even though we tend to look for positive qualities in romantic partners, examining their flaws is prudent.
• Some annoyances are little, while others are major, but their impact varies based on one's personality and pet peeves.
• It makes sense to find partners who don't disturb us too much with their unfavourable characteristics.
• Abuse of any kind, whether physical, sexual, or emotional, is a signal to seek help and leave.
  

We hear a lot of advise on what qualities to look for in a partner—honesty, good conflict resolution, chemistry, and resemblance, to name a few. However, we rarely analyse what undesirable characteristics we are ready to tolerate and allow.

I saw an article a few years ago about the usefulness of assessing what types of pain or struggle you can handle well. Even the best things in life (travelling, parenting, falling in love) come with fees and problems, according to the author. He stated that instead of focusing on what we want out of life, we should ask ourselves, "What am I ready to struggle for?" This advice is spot-on when it comes to preserving long-term love relationships.

Consider how you feel about various irritants.

Despite the fact that we prefer to strive for positive features in love partners, research reveals that focusing on their flaws is both sensible and beneficial. We all know that even the most amazing people and relationships have irritating characteristics that worsen with time. Perhaps your relationship is entertaining but untrustworthy. When they are angry or upset, they may shut down emotionally. Perhaps they load the dishwasher in such a way that it makes you cry. We all have these characteristics, and our relationships do as well.

Some of these annoyances are minor, while others are major, but their impact varies based on one's personality and pet peeves. Being around someone who flour-bombs the kitchen because they enjoy preparing bread is a nightmare for some individuals. For some, the mess is worth it; it's simply not a big problem. Being emotionally isolated for even a short period of time can cause worry and anguish in certain people. Others can go about their business while their partner works through their emotions, and be ready to re-engage when they are ready.

Pick your battles carefully.

It makes all the difference how we feel about and react to our spouses' flaws. According to John Gottman, 70% of the disagreements we face with our spouses are insoluble. It's merely a matter of lifestyle, personality, or opinion differences that are unlikely to change. It is not a sensible investment of time to spend too much time trying to "fix" or improve those aspects of our partners.

Instead, it makes sense to find partners who don't irritate us too much with their unfavourable characteristics. We can still find certain characteristics irritating, but they don't make us feel fatigued or on edge all of the time. You might also focus your efforts on resolving your "solvable" issues. You can resolve some of the issues that are bothering you and have more energy to let the rest go with some good speech.

What Should Never Be Accepted

While there are certain advantages to overlooking flaws, it's also necessary to know what we shouldn't overlook, accept, or allow. Abuse of any kind, whether physical, sexual, or emotional, is never acceptable. Abuse occurs when someone criticises you, puts you down, humiliates you, regulates your relationships or activities, or watches your whereabouts. These aren't pains to put up with; they're signs to get aid and leave. You can get help here if you suspect you're in an abusive relationship.

When examining what you need and desire in a relationship, it's just as vital to evaluate the negative traits and little irritations you can live with as it is to figure out what you really want. We can establish relationships that support us rather than deplete us by attempting to understand the prices or hurts we tolerate the most (and which ones are actually bad for us).